If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
