I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
