just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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