Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing