Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived