Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
