In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again