phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay so I just had a really great idea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.