My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"