Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
