Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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