I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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