I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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