When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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