i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
