I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is not my ceiling
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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