I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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