remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
