I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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