I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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