Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
