I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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