He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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