how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
