I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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