actually, I'm a sock model
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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