he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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