umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if only i could text you this smell
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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