why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
