He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
