actually, I'm a sock model
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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