So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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