We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.