and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.