At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on