I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid