I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?