What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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