I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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