I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
