I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
