Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
try to milk me bitch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
