I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I FOUND THE LEGS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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