I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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