i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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