I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
