epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
