I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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