i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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