my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We smell like vodka and hangover
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