i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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