Your face is a jimmy john
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
