Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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