dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
