I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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