Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
