Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
