it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
