Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
