Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
