i jhust puked up my retainher.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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