I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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