Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
