he puts the penis in happiness.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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