Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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