so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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