Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
