I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
