You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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